My sister and I met after lunch today and went to see a local aged care facility. This one seemed to have all we need: low-care accommodation for the first few months or years, and high-care accommodation on the same site, as well as sections for handling people with dementia - things that we might need later. We think this range of accommodation types is important, because it is likely that one of our parents may have to move to high care, or to a dementia section, before the other, and we would like them to be able to maintain daily contact if this happens. Having to split them up across two different sites seems cruel, and therefore best avoided.

The site we visited also had plenty of open space, indoor and outdoor recreational facilities like a bowling green, and a pleasant atmosphere. It is surrounded by woodland, and looks out over a lake. I think it is the best we have seen so far. We have not yet told our parents that we have been checking out hostels and nursing homes. There are two reasons for this: first, we don't want to raise the issue of moving out of their home until we have a definite suggestion about where they would be moving to; second, we ourselves are not yet sure when would be the right time, or whether we are jumping the gun a little by looking. We have, after all, only recently initiated community care, which allows them to live in their own home, and need time to see how well that is going to work. Deciding when and how to put parents into care is a tough one, since there are downsides to all the alternatives.

On the way home I dropped in on mum and dad to see that they had something to eat for dinner. I ended up making cheese and spam sandwiches, and a chocolate-flavoured high-protein drink for both of them - hardly gourmet, but well-received.

My father was fixated on a pair of trousers he had 'lost'. I told him five or six times that my sister had taken them yesterday, to wash them. He kept trying to tell me that my mother had taken them to fix a hole in one of the pockets, and that she didn't know where she'd put them. We have circular conversations like this all the time.

Meanwhile my mother tore the top off a tea-bag and began to sprinkle tea on the cats' food. I managed to intervene and stop that without upsetting her. She then poured water into the cats' meat bowl. For most of their lives the two cats were overfed by my mother, but for the last year or so she has been feeding them the wrong things, and they have both dropped to a more healthy weight as a result. A few months ago I saw that both their bowls were filled with baked beans. In as light a way as I could, I said 'Oh, mum, we'll have to do better than that.' A few minutes later I noticed that she had sprinkled grapes on top of the baked beans. the cats were both looking pretty bemused at this point.

The other thing that happened today was that my father went to the local day care centre. it is on the same block as the house, so he can get there without even crossing the road. Down there he gets morning tea, lunch, and afternoon tea. He thinks this is great. Wednesdays are 'men-only' days. They usually have quizzes, talks, trips, games, crafts, entertainment, and in between they talk about the war, I suppose. He has been four times now, and seems to really enjoy it. It is odd, because he never used to like communal affairs.

While my father is away, a community care worker called Pauline comes to keep my mother company. She is brilliant; from the first visit she was able to get my mother to shower - something none of us has been able to do. She usually takes mum out for a coffee or an ice-cream too. We are very happy with her, and just hope the agency doesn't try to swap her out for another worker.