Yesterday my mother was meant to go to the day care centre, but she refused. Although she was out of bed and dressed when it was time to go, she was adamant that she didn't want to go to 'that place'. There was nothing for it, so Rachel, who had volunteered to get mum up and ready in time to leave this morning, simply had to let mum have her way.

We have no idea how mum really thinks of the day care centre. The staff say that she seems to enjoy herself for three or four hours, and then begins to grow anxious and needs to be brought home. When I last asked her if she had enjoyed herself there, she simply said 'no'. What did this mean? That the day had, despite appearances, not been enjoyable, that she was tired of being asked about it (dad had asked her several times already, I discovered), or that memory of the earlier, enjoyable part of the day had been erased by subsequent feelings of anxiety? I don't know, but if she continues to refuse to go, we will stop encouraging her.

Today, it was my dad's turn to go. He is much more enthusiastic. Yesterday he started getting his clothes ready, and debating endlessly about whether he ought to have a shower. Usually, while he is at the centre, Pauline looks after mum. This week however, she has family issues of her own to attend to and instead Pamela, a new care worker, has taken her place. Despite the best work of the Community Care people who coordinate care and assistance for aged people who need it, the agencies they use are often unwilling or unable to provide the same person each week - or at least that is what our limited experience of the system has shown. We have only been using it for about six weeks, and we've already had four different workers, and two no-shows.

Part of the problem was that my dad would send them away, saying 'no, we don't need any help. We can look after ourselves, thank you very much.' I tried to brief him beforehand if I couldn't be there to let the worker in myself, but fifteen minutes later he would forget. I think he confused them with door-to-door salespeople. I also tried to have instructions passed to the workers to call me if there was any difficulty getting in, but that has so far not been necessary. In these early days of incorporating community care into our parents' lives, things are getting more complicated rather than simpler.