Our father's descent
By MP on Monday 31 July 2006, 13:49 - Background - Permalink
Since my father was diagnosed with Alzheimer's, we have been watching him
more carefully for further signs of deterioration, but there has not been much
change. The slurring of words I noticed on his birthday seems to have
disappeared, so I am happy to blame the wine for that. However, reading about
the disease I have noticed that many Alzheimer's cases showed symptoms many
years before diagnosis, symptoms which the sufferer and the family often
dismissed.
In dad's case, we noticed a sharp decline in abilities early in the year, but
with all the wisdom of hindsight, I can now put other pieces of the jigsaw
together. Of course, my brother Greg, for a couple of years, had maintained
that dad was not much better than mum, and he may have been right all along. It
was always my mother who was expected to run the house, so her shortcomings
were more evident to us. My father had never really established much of a role
in the house or in the garden, and consequently his neglect of these things
went unnoticed - in fact, neglect was his chosen modus operandi.
Dad always used to repeat stories. Was this an early symptom? After a few years all of us had heard every story dozens of times, and became quite indifferent to them. More recently however, these stories started to involve new events, more bizarre than before; some of them became quite unbelieveable. We didn't know whether dad was embroidering his tales to regain a bit of audience interest, or whether he seriously believed what he was saying.
The garden and garage were another possible clue. Dad was never a keen gardener - except for occasional mad pruning frenzies in which every bush was wrestled to the ground, its remains little more than a bare stump. Dad always did the minimum in the garden, and this soon dropped to nothing. Similarly, the tools in the garage began to disappear beneath a shroud of cobwebs and rust. It was sad to see them die like that. Dad had been an engineer all his life, and many of these tools dated from the 1940's. Some, those that had belonged to our grandfather, were much older than that.
The mail is delivered once a day to my parents' house, but dad has checked the mailbox several times a day for a long time. He was always very bad at remembering our names, and would often run through two or three names before he got the right one. When Greg and I were little, and misbehaving, he often shouted at us but used the name of someone else nearby, almost sending them into shock. Again I wonder, am I just distorting the past, or were these early signs of dementia?

Comments
Hi there - I just found your blog through "The Yellow Wallpaper" - I thought I might be the only one helping to take care of not one, but two parents with dementia. Much of what you write feels *very* familiar to me, paricularly the looking-back to try to find "clues" to when it all started for each parent - I have done that repeatedly. My thoughts are with you - I'll be back to visit again.
Paula
Many thanks for getting in touch. We also thought we were the only family looking after two parents with dementia, but I suppose there must be many. I've just popped in and had a taste of your weblog, and will be back for second helpings.
Your latest entry begins 'Today is my birthday'. Curiously, I was going to start my entry today with exactly the same words.