Mum's hit list
By MP on Saturday 9 September 2006, 16:10 - Journal - Permalink
Yesterday dad called both Greg and I to say that the electricity had cut off. It hadn't, at least not literally. One of the circuit breakers had cut out, presumably because mum and dad had been trying to run too many appliances at once. The house probably needs an electrical upgrade, but that's another story.
Greg fixed the problem and set about resetting the computer and alarm clock radio. To warm the house, Greg prefers to use the airconditioner rather than the gas heater. He therefore needed to find its remote control - the new one that he had recently bought to replace the old one that has disappeared (ie, has been hidden in a strange place). The remote control was eventually tracked down to a drawer in the sideboard. At this point, something must have gone wrong because he said that when he found it mum got angry at him, and several times feinted to throw her cup of tea over him.
Hearing this, my mind jumped to several possible explanations:
- Greg had made some offhand comment that mum resented
- Dad had done the same
- Mum felt guilty and, therefore, blamed for the hiding of the remote control
- Greg had let his irritation show, and mum had interpreted it as being unfairly directed at her
Greg cited the nurse who had complained of being hit by mum, and told me that dad was looking pretty miserable; and clearly mum isn't in the best of moods. He said he thought we were nearing the end of the road. He'd talked to dad about moving to a home, and said he seemed very receptive to it, as if any change would be a good change. We seem to be shifting slowly towards a decision on this. I pointed out, being devil's advocate, that there were several substantial disadvantages to the move. To wit:
- mum may be put on tranquillisers
- mum may shrink further into her shell, since social situations seem to threaten her these days
- loss of personal space may cause mum to lock dad out of her room
- sudden loss of so many belongings may distress them both
I suppose it is just a matter of agreeing when to do this.
PS: Another tree-lopper visited yesterday, and told dad he needed to get his trees pruned. He is now preoccupied with this, but at least he didn't give the guy the job. He called both Greg and I and suggested we do it ourselves. I wish these people would leave them alone.

Comments
Mike,
It strikes me that in this type of situation, family members often try to figure out what they've done "wrong." But anger and aggression in Alzheimer's could be simply be the result of the degeneration of the brain, rather than something someone did.
I'm sorry you and your family are having to deal with this.
Your and your parents' situations become more heart-rending by the day, Mike.
In case you need an uplift, as I read through this post I found myself thinking, "Wow, Mike and his family are doing so well in the midst of a bad situation with possible bad out-comes for both his parents!"
I'm amazed at your family's persistence and willingness to be truthful and confront the situation as it is, Mike. It often restores what little faith I have in humanity.