Phone manners

Here's a transcript from my MessageBank:

'[cough] Mike? Mike? It's, uh, dad here. Oh, he's not there. I was just trying to tell your mum...I've just been trying to explain...I'm talking to Mike, Irene, just a minute. Uh, Mike? Your mum's saying this is her house, and it's not. It's ours. It gets me in a real...Are you there, Mike? [long pause] Mike? Are you there? I don't...Here's your mum. [long clattering interval] Hello? [mum's voice, followed by another long pause] Hello? It's umm...[clattering again]. Mike, it's your dad, dad, here. Are you coming over? What? Just a minute...yes, can you come over here and explain please to your mum that...she's, she's...I'm going in a minute. [yet more clattering, which seems to go on forever, and finally ends with the phone being hung up.]'

Five minutes later another message was left:

'It's dad. There's a big envelope here for you...addressed to y- [he literally cuts himself off in mid-word by hanging up]'

Twenty minutes after that:

'It's dad.'

I get this sort of message nearly every day. Dad often calls me very early - he gets up at about 5:30 am (and I often don't go to bed until 2 am). I have recently taken to switching my phone off before I retire. Even though I don't answer the early morning calls, their ringing has the effect of dragging me out of deep sleep and leaving me feeling unrested for the rest of the day. I hope that I never have to face the guilt of having missed a true emergency call one day.

I fantasise about installing a systems that answers as follows:

'Please listen carefully, as we have recently changed the options in this system. Press:

to complain about having no money
to ask if I'm coming over
to tell me there is a letter for me
to say that mum denies she is married to you
to state that there is no food in the house
to speak to one of our operatives
to hear these options again

Or I could sneakily change the presets in his phone so that no matter what speed-dial number he used, the number dialled would always be Greg's. Whenever Greg complained about the number of calls he got from dad, I could say 'I know, it's getting completely out of control, isn't it?'
'You're getting them too, are you?'
'You know what it's like.'

Comments

1. On Thursday 5 October 2006, 19:33 by Gail Rae Hudson

I hope it's not bad "manners", but I laughed out loud through this entire post!

Here's option number #5 1/2: To announce that you're being solicited for another tree pruning.

And don't forget the all-important:

8. To call my name out to see if I'm "here".

9. To hear a recording telling you when I last visited.

*10. To hear a recording telling you when you last called.

*11. To hear these options in [insert alternate language].

*12. To disconnect.

I'm still chuckling. I hope others who read this post add other options.

2. On Friday 6 October 2006, 11:23 by Deb Peterson

Mike--Wonderful! And I'm speaking as a fellow-"callee" who has had her mother answer the phone only to immediately forget that she's answered it, and then lay it down somewhere with the line still open, allowing me to eavesdrop on the following half-hour of her life. Oh, and she was trying to change the television channel with the cordless phone one day--and dialled 911. The combination of telecommunications and elderly parents is often like something out of Monty Python!

3. On Friday 6 October 2006, 15:17 by MP

Gail Rae and Deb

And I hope it's not bad manners to laugh at your comments - which I did, all the way through.

Another funny thing is that when I was listening to the recording of dad saying 'are you there? are you there?' I automatically said 'yes'!

Fading from Memory

Comments

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