Recently we've wondered when mum's dementia really began. What brought up the question was Greg and Derek's recent visit to Uncle Bob in England. Uncle Bob is in his late seventies and still able to design, engineer and manufacture working models of cranes, trucks, trains and boats. His latest truck even has working windscreen wipers. We wondered if mum was still that sharp at a comparable age. I asked Rachel if she could remember, and this is how she replied:

Early 2001 I was keeping a journal for a few weeks and this happened to coincide with what was probably mum's last visit to Noosa by herself. Re-reading my notes, nowhere have I mentioned Alzheimer's or Reminyl so I don't think she would have been diagnosed at that time or been on medication.

Some of the things I did make mention of in relation to mum might be of interest though. For example, she read a novel while she was here - I had already read it and as it was set in Liverpool, UK, during WWII. I thought mum might enjoy it too. She was hurrying to finish it before she flew home. She also took us out to dinner - this was her idea although we chose the restaurant etc.; she enjoyed an afternoon out with a number of friends of mine to listen to a live band and have a drink or two of wine - I remember her remarking how nice and friendly they all were towards her and that they all gave her a kiss and a hug good-bye. We discussed the novel I was writing at the time and I read her several passages from it - she was quite capable of making intelligent comment. Several other outings were enjoyed without my remarking (in my journal) that any of her behaviour, speech etc. appeared as anything other than normal for her.

However, I do remember for a long time (probably already by 2001) she was very anxious about her inability to remember people's names when she had known them for years. This, for me at least, was the first indication that her memory was suffering but for a long time it didn't seem to get any worse than that. At that stage she was still going to aquarobics and also attending her slimming group.

Not sure if any of that helps.

It is not conclusive, since this was only five years ago, and Uncle Bob is seven years younger. And it is academic really anyway, since whether mum turns out to be the better or worse one, we can't take her back to the shop and say we want a refund. I think she is well past her warranty expiry date.

What is striking, though, from Rachel's email, is what mum has lost in the most recent years. Her dementia seems to have been around forever, but on reading this email I am reminded that much of what we deal with these days is pretty new. She can no longer travel by herself. She can no longer read anything more than a couple of words. She no longer has the wherewithal to suggest going out for a meal. She cannot comment intelligibly on anything, let alone something as abstract as a manuscript. She cannot relax with groups of people. And since she no longer exercises, she is becoming stooped and stiff. It makes me quite sad to think of all these things.