Apologia
By M on Tuesday 14 August 2007, 02:12 - Journal - Permalink
Apologies to everyone who has been disappointed that I let this blog lapse
so deplorably. The slide began at the beginning of February and accelerated
quite rapidly. Here are the reasons:
Other interests took over. At the end of January I began a relationship which
rapidly grew to take over all my interest and pretty much all my time too. That
relationship did not last and was followed by an amicable drifting apart.
However, last month an even deeper and more intense relationship has formed -
and its development and colour is as gripping to me as the fading away and
greyness of mum and dad's lives is depressing. I could have sacrificed my own
happiness and focussed instead on creating contentment for mum and dad, but I
didn't. And aside from the romantic, there have also been professional
distractions. As many of you will recall, I work as a freelancer, and alternate
between periods of complete professional inactivity (which I enjoy immensely)
and frenetic, client and authorities deadline-driven work that requires
absolute concentration and attention to detail. It's not the kind of work that
one can put off for a couple of days when it is there. And even if it were,
that would mean a loss of income. It is both necessary and desirable that I
work as hard as I can when given the opportunity. So, as with the
relationships, when there is work in the offing, mum and dad get
neglected.
So far so good. I've been able to take time away from them and no disaster has
befallen us. The social services converged on a modus operandi that works,
Rachel came to Sydney and took over a lot of the menial support work and,
together with Greg, we have settled into a predictable weekly routine that
seems to be adequate for the time being.
The second reason I left off writing is that I simply got fed up with the
necessity of having to deal with mum and dad as some kind of provider. I don't
think I exaggerate to call it resentment, but whatever it is, it was amplified
by the act of having to talk about it. Dealing with mum and dad was no fun, and
talking about having no fun began to lose its appeal too. I clearly lost my
sense of humour over the whole thing, and have still not really got it
back.
So I now find myself in the position of having to do something I really don't
want to do, and then trying to convey exactly why I don't like doing it any
more. Obviously this is not conducive to dancing prose.
However, having got all the apologies and explanations out of the way, what am
I going to do about it? Well, given that one of the reasons I started this blog
was to have a record of how things ended for mum and dad, I really have little
excuse for not carrying on. So, I am hoping that I will revive the blog
somewhat and, in any event, do promise to do something fairly substantial right
away. Namely, I will recap the last few months, over a number of posts, each
dealing with a single aspect of what's been happening. And here, in a list that
is likely to change, are the items I'll cover:
- dealing with food (in new and creative ways)
- dealing with toilets (and things that resemble them)
- remembering people
- strange tales (including dad's incredible walks)
- convergence of behaviour on repeated patterns
- cognitive descent
- medication (and doing without it)
- speech
- emotional instability
- contraction of the known world
- tissues and ways in which one can fiddle with them
- general health
- financial and care measures we are taking

Comments
I'm really glad to see that you'll be blogging again! I have been following your mum and dad's story for so long. I can certainly understand your frustrations and resentment at having to handle so much! Caring for my Mom while trying to hold down a full time job - taking her to an adult day-care each day while I worked simply became too much for me. I began to have issues with my own health. I had to make a decision about how I was going to take care of her and take care of myself. Unfortunately, I chose to put her in a nursing home. It was the most difficult decision I ever made while caring for her. That lasted a few months and it was so bad that after talking with my husband we decided to bring her back home and I would quit work and stay with her full time. It was the best decision for both of us. I cared for her in our home - even though most days she didn't even know who I was - until her death earlier this year. I'm so thankful to have had those last months with her. It does seem overwhelming at times.
annb
Great! Glad to hear your life outside of old-people is making you too busy to write. That's terrific news. Also that you will continue to write every so often, in spite of the drag-ish elements of writing about something that can really be a drag. Don't write more than you want to. But if you can keep it up at some level, I really appreciate your ability to write about the reality of this stuff without resorting to comforting platitudes. All the best to you.
Thank you for returning and choosing to continue to write a blog which is difficult for you.
I feared the worst during the long absence of updates; I had visions of the elders being placed in a home, wandering, harming the cat, etc. Relieved it wasn't those things!
You are helping those of us with demented elders - thank you for your efforts in sharing your stories.
Very nice to hear from you again! I totally understand and am empathetic with your reasons for not journaling...and your reasons for deciding to try to continue. Either way, I'm sure you'll do what you need to do...and won't torture yourself trying to do that in which you're not interested. I appreciate this aspect of you and your honesty about it.
I remember writing you and hoping that you were "traveling"...as I like to imagine you doing that. Seems you have been, emotionally, which is an interesting kind of travel, as well. Excellent!
Looking forward to the fill-in material surrounding your list. Am especially intrigued by your Dad's incredible walks!
I understand how hard it must be to keep this up, but it is a very good thing that you are doing and I hope you will persist.