Creative ways with food
By M on Friday 17 August 2007, 22:23 - Journal - Permalink
It's only yesterday since I last had dinner with mum and dad. Just recently
I've been making my weekly trip later in the day and taking them to a
restaurant rather than making sandwiches for them. This is better for dad, who
recognises it as a treat, but for mum it has both costs and benefits. However,
the subject today is food.
Each week, I order the same thing for mum and dad - children's portions of fish
and chips, freshly squeezed orange juice, ice-cream with chocolate sauce, and
English breakfast tea. I usually have a glass of wine, a salad, chips, and a
cappuccino. Mum has no idea what she ate the previous week, and dad can barely
remember. Practically everything else on the menu seems fraught with
complications and the regular prospect of eating the old standby, fish and
chips, seems guaranteed to cause excitement, much like the mention of a cup of
tea. Greg usually gives them the same thing at the weekend. Funnily enough, I
can remember my mother saying, 'now, you're not living on fish and chips, are
you?' when i was away at college.
Mum has done some peculiar things recently. Yesterday I discovered that the
cats had been offered dried food swimming in dish-washing detergent. Nothing
really wrong there, just a waste of detergent. A couple of weeks ago we were
having tea at a cafe and I only just managed to stop mum putting the spout of
the teapot into her mouth. She frequently drinks her tea with a spoon, as if it
were soup. She eats off other people's plates. She uses her hands to eat foods
that once she would not - such as fish. She sometimes needs guidance with the
knife and fork - knowing neither how to hold them nor what to do with them, it
seems.
Not long ago, as I drove the two of them to the cafe we normally use, I heard
crunching in the back seat. I turned around and saw that mum had secreted a
couple of biscuits up her sleeve and was now eating them.
'We're on our way to a restaurant, mum. You don't need to eat those,' I
said.
She just grinned back at me as if she had somehow stolen a march on whoever it
is that can't be trusted with her food. She may just be putting food in random
places because she has no idea where it belongs any more, but it sometimes
looks as if the squirreling away of comestibles has a purpose. I found a piece
of pie wrapped in a tissue, lurking at the back of the cupboard, last week. It
smelt OK, actually, so we ate it. Just like squirrels, she usually forgets
where she puts it.
Greg told me that about a month ago both mum and dad were eating
chocolate-coated ice-cream on a stick. In this case dad also appeared to show
signs of forgetting what to do; he kept putting his ice-cream down in the
table. Mum, on the other hand, was eating hers, but holding it by the ice-cream
itself, rather than the stick. She often tries to dip her cake in her
tea.
Now, when we sit down at the table, I make sure that anything that might cause
confusion is both further than arm's-length away from mum and, preferably, also
out of sight. Unless I first squeeze the lemon over her fish, and then remove
it, she will try to eat it whole - a quarter lemon. She will try to drink the
tartare sauce from its dish. She will grasp the glass that contains the sticks
of sugar and try to tip the contents into her mouth. She will try to drink milk
straight from the jug. She will forget what a straw is for and try to drink
from the glass without taking the straw out of it. All teaspoons, condiments,
straws and similar distractions must be removed.
Most of these problems were much less severe or even non-existent when I was
last writing regularly in this blog. Clearly, and as expected, things are now
much worse.

Comments
My mother has similar eating behaviors. I found it was best to remove all distractions so she could focus on one food and one beverage at a time. Anything more than that would cause complete chaos and very little would get eaten. Nice to see you back again Mike.
I've got a good restaurant one: My mother more-than-occasionally forgets what she orders at restaurants then, when her order arrives, declares it isn't what she ordered. Sometimes, because she appears to be undemented in public, it takes extra effort to convince the wait person that he or she didn't make a mistake and it isn't necessary to reorder for her.
So far, her utensil behavior hasn't changed, but she has the same problem with ice cream bars as your father, so I've gotten into the habit of providing her with a plate. She also has a similar problem with condiments as does your mother...and I follow the same policy as you.
Interesting comparison of hiding stuff with squirrel behavior. Makes me wonder if demential decline is partially a reversion to long-buried habits we used to exhibit when being human wasn't even a gleam in our eyes.
Mike,
Nice to have you back. I love the way you pay attention to these details of your parents' lives. I wonder if you're more attentive in other relationships because of this, or more distracted?
Mona
You are certainly brave to take your mom and dad out for a meal. My mom really wasn't physically able to get out and about, but if she had been I don't think I could have handled a meal outside of home. It was so difficult for me to see my mom changing so quickly! I can't even imagine how it would be to have both parents to care for. You and yours are in my prayers.
annb
Welcome back to the blog Mike! Good to hear your parents are still thriving and that you are working on your own life.
I had to comment about the hoarding behavior. We have to hide all sugar and sugar-containing products because Grandma will eat them until gone. This wouldn't be so bad except that it upsets her digestive system to the extreme. It was hell to get her off the stuff. Now we portion out her snacks daily. A couple of days ago she found the granola bars and two boxes disappeared. So, now my home is becoming the grocery. I live next door on the same property. She drinks from all the beverages in her fridge, won't stop and denies she does it. We use the pink packets instead of sugar but recently we found over 10 empty packets on the kitchen counter and no sign of tea, her beverage of choice. So, now we may have to portion her pink packets per cup of tea or bowl of cereal. Or find out how to buy it by the truckload!
Her sister died from AD and the final straw that sent her to the nursing home was hoarding. The family (her son and daughter-in-law) had a full freezer of meat (hunters). She had taken ALL of it and placed it under her bed. When the family noticed the stench and searched her room, they found melted tubs of ice cream too. She told them that it all needed to be kept safe from robbery. I have never asked but I wondered if she ate any of that meat.