Reports of mum's death...
By Mike on Saturday 16 February 2008, 21:09 - Journal - Permalink
Judging by the content of my last few conversations with dad this afternoon,
the visit to the retirement village did not go well today.
Dad has somehow got the idea that mum is in a bad way and about to die. He also thinks she is not going to be coming out of the home alive. Until today, despite everything we have been telling him, he has expected mum to be treated and sent home more or less immediately. I was pretty surprised and disappointed to hear this death stuff from him; it is the worse than the various results I'd imagined. Thank god that mum was not sufficiently upset about the visit to demand to be taken home.
I asked dad where he had got the idea that mum was about to die. As usual, it was hard to get a clear answer to a simple question ('who told you that?'). However, he did tell me at one time that a doctor had told him and later that Rachel had. He then went on to report that Rachel had been raising her voice, hitting a piece of paper and had left angry about something; so, whatever happened, clearly the day had not gone well. There was no point trying to do a post mortem on it however, so I simply did what I thought ought to be done to minimise further damage - called Greg and warned him.
Greg is due to visit dad tomorrow, so I told him what to expect. I suggested that he get a clear and simple form of words prepared to repeat ad nauseam to dad. I suggested, to be specific, 'Mum's got years ahead of her yet dad,' with the accent on 'years', and 'no-one's talking about mum dying.'
God knows how long this is going to go on. Not long, I hope.
Dad has somehow got the idea that mum is in a bad way and about to die. He also thinks she is not going to be coming out of the home alive. Until today, despite everything we have been telling him, he has expected mum to be treated and sent home more or less immediately. I was pretty surprised and disappointed to hear this death stuff from him; it is the worse than the various results I'd imagined. Thank god that mum was not sufficiently upset about the visit to demand to be taken home.
I asked dad where he had got the idea that mum was about to die. As usual, it was hard to get a clear answer to a simple question ('who told you that?'). However, he did tell me at one time that a doctor had told him and later that Rachel had. He then went on to report that Rachel had been raising her voice, hitting a piece of paper and had left angry about something; so, whatever happened, clearly the day had not gone well. There was no point trying to do a post mortem on it however, so I simply did what I thought ought to be done to minimise further damage - called Greg and warned him.
Greg is due to visit dad tomorrow, so I told him what to expect. I suggested that he get a clear and simple form of words prepared to repeat ad nauseam to dad. I suggested, to be specific, 'Mum's got years ahead of her yet dad,' with the accent on 'years', and 'no-one's talking about mum dying.'
God knows how long this is going to go on. Not long, I hope.
Comments
Hi Greg, sorry to hear that things are still difficult - though at least for different reasons. I really feel for you, as Mum was convinced Dad had died every time we visited her in hospital. Sadly he did eventually die, but by then she was in a nursing home herself. I think that the staff did try to help her as best as they could, but she kind of gave up then. Still remained angry with me though!
You and your brother(s?) and sister have done the best you
could, honestly more than most folks would I think. You all need a bit of a
break and rest, and I hope that you will be able to have that soon. My very
best wishes to you all - I may be the other side of the world, but dementia
knows no boundaries. I will be thinking of you over the days ahead as your Mum
settles into the nursing home, and you settle your Dad in there.