I was late getting over to see mum and dad again today, and knew almost before I left that the plan to go out for coffee was not feasible. I arrived at some time after 1 pm and expected lunch to be only just finished. Into dad's area I went, very determined this time to spot him as soon as possible and not make the mistake of overlooking him again. I walked past two small people watching TV near the door and wandered all over the complex. He was nowhere to be found, so I decided to start my search all over again. I went back to the door and there he was - one of the first two people I looked at. He was huddled up asleep in a double armchair and, as I said, just looked far too small to be my father. When I mentioned to Greg that I had failed to recognise him on Wednesday this week, he said 'that makes three of us.' Apparently both he and Rachel have had the same experience.

I shook dad gently and spoke to him but he was fast asleep. I went next door and found mum. She was happy to come out with me for a walk, so I led her back the way I'd come - to see dad. We found him still asleep and I tried to get mum to sit next to him but she didn't want to. It was as if I was trying to fix her up with a stranger. So, we left dad for the second time, oblivious of the fact that his family had come to visit. Mum and I returned to her area and had a cup of tea kindly provided by one of the staff. I asked mum a few questions, just to see what level of understanding she retained - I have to say that there just wasn't any. She doesn't know waht her name is, how many children she had, and nor does she recognise our names either.

When I came to leave she got up and followed me. I had to circle around and lead her back to another armchair. This kept happening - every time I got up to leave, so did she. I resorted to subterfuge in the end; I sat her down next to a chatty lady who offered her a tissue, and while she was distracted I silently got up and slipped away.

Altogether - not a very satisfactory result at all.

I drove on to Greg's place and we redid the finances for mum and dad. It only took about an hour or so, and the final result there was a good one. Our parents have enough to keep them going with a reasonable surplus each year, and our plans for the house and its contents all now seem settled and manageable. This, at least, is a relief.