At 11:15 Thursday morning dad called:
'Mike, are you coming over today?'
'No, I might come tomorrow.'
'I don't know what to do. I'm worried sick.'
'About what?'
'Your mum's still in bed, and I don't know... I could get some milk I suppose,
and then there's the food situation.'
'What food situation?'
'Well, I hope we get meals on wheels...'
'Of course you will.'
'I don't know. It just really worries me.'
'What does, dad?'
'Things in general.'
'OK, well...'
'Goodbye then.'
'Wait, dad! Don't hang up.'
'What?'
'Have you tried making mum a cup of tea and taking that in to her?'
'She's still asleep.'
'But she might get up if you take her some tea.'
'Well, all right. I'll do that.'
'And...'
'Right. Goodbye.'*
When I was young and dad was in his prime, he would have rebuked me for 'being
all pathetic' if I'd talked like this. Every word of his is now infused with
the need for my company and the desire to keep me at their house for as long as
possible. He repeated says how much he enjoys and appreciates me being there,
and tries to think of reasons for extended each of my visits. Hardly a day goes
by without him phoning me to ask if I am going over.
I've gone through phases. At first it was such a novelty to realise that dad
wanted me to visit that I used to drop everything and drive over. It was fun to
have honoured guest status. (Although there were times when I had arrived and
been asked 'what's the occasion? To what do we owe this visit?') Then I began
to meter my time, and for a while dad accepted this. Now he doesn't accept it
any more. His own problems have assumed a scale that outweighs his
consideration of my convenience which was, for a while, part of his
calculations. Now he just pleads for company. He is being all pathetic.
We still expect a lot more from dad than we do from mum, and maybe this is our
mistake. We don't get cross with mum any more, but I've seen all of us do it
with dad. Maybe, given his current state, it is time we grew out of this. He is
obviously developing the generalised anxiety of Alzheimer's. It is not
something you can treat constructively, only sympathetically. Instead of
telling him what measures he needs to take against whatever justification he
can dream up for his anxiety, it is perhaps time to simply tell him, as we do
with mum, that it's all OK. No need to worry.
* He has truly mastered the abrupt termination of the phone call. I appreciate
it, actually. I hate those long redundant exchanges of farewells that often
accumulate at the end of phone conversations.
Tag - anxiety
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